A New Beginning

I am not much of a writer.  I always made decent grades in Comp classes in college but never really understood all the parts of speech . I don't use big words and sometimes forget to use spell check.   I have no illusion that this blog will get noticed by the publishing world or that I will have any readers. As I sit here at 2:00am I shouldn't be writing.  I have a 13 month old boy that is quite active - the kind you see in the store and while adorable you can tell the mother has her hands' full.  I also have an 8 year that must be at school at 7:45am.  If you live in a little area called Halls in Knoxville, you know that if you don't get to the school by 7:20, you will be stuck in a long line of traffic literally a mile long.  Oh well I digress. 

So this blog is really for me and God.  It's about a new beginning.  It's about being stuck in a deep, dark, hole and trying to climb out and see the light.  This is my journey to reconnect with God. 

This journey starts with social networking.  In November of 2010, we made the decision that I would stay at home full time with my 13 month old son, Conner.  I had big plans about being a stay at home mom and how wonderful this would be.  I soon found out that some days are just quite lonely.  Some days are full of spit up, blown-out diapers and bouts of crying (not just by Conner but by his Mommy as well).  So like many Moms, I get on Facebook during naptime just to have an adult conversation or at least pretend to interact with people who have jobs and other things to talk about besides poop.  And one day I was asked to pray for the baby of Johnna and Will Bullard  I had never heard of these people before but did a polite reply to the person that left the post.  I certainly was in no position to pray for anyone.  I hadn't truely prayed in years.  Perhaps the occassional, please God let Tennessee beat Florida this year or bowing my head when asked at meal time but a true conversation with God . . . Not me. 

For some reason, I was compelled to read the blog of Johnna and Will Bullard (http://johnnajobullard.blogspot.com/) I would strongly encourage anyone to read their story about the recent love and loss of their child, their commitment to each other, but most importantly their love and commitment to God.  From the Bullard family, I learned of Angie and Todd Smith( http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/),   I read their blog and had another bout of crying,  Not the typical overwhelmed, crazed Mom kind, but an emotional to the core, bout of crying.  I was so ashamed for the way I turned from God.  The struggles I have had in life in no way compare to what the Bullard and Smith families have gone through, and yet it was so easy to turn my back from Him. 

So again this is about renewing my relationship with God.  This is brand new to me from the blog to figuring out where to start.  My first guess is to start with a new Bible.  I am truely embarrassed to admit this, but I couldn't begin to tell you where my Bible is.  A few years ago, I actually read my Bible and participated in a Women's Bible Study.  Now I couldn't tell you, where it is.  I also said my first real prayer in years.  If anyone does read this, my hope is that you will pray for me and send me advice and scripture to refer to during this journey. 

Thank you so much.